I’m no longer a child, so I’m not young enough to be looked after in the same way. But in my late twenties, I’m still figuring out who I am and where “home” is. That in-between space of being someone, but not quite belonging to a role anymore
Thank you so much! Yes, it’s such a weird space and dynamic - and especially because you’re more on equal footing with your parents now that you are all adults.
Exactly it feels so strange! Like what do you mean I have to pay my own health insurance, rent, utilities, and cook, clean, and do laundry… you know that video when the little girl says “I’m just a baby”… thats how I feel, like girl SAME
reading those words made my heart ache. my mother was never there for me emotionally and abandoned me as soon as I was an adult. I so often find myself searching for the maternal in any elder woman that I feel drawn to. though I am grown and able to take care of myself, I still crave a genuine maternal relationship.
Thank you for taking the time to read my poem, mj, and to share with me.
This is exactly it… the grief of being essentially abandoned as a child and then the jarring experience of it in adulthood… at least to me it feels like it happened two fold? Reaching adulthood was just another way to realise again that I’m alone, because suddenly I was wanting that maternal connection in other women… you understood where I was coming from precisely and I am sad that you do. I am however also really glad for this community and the chance to find connections and points of resonance with people like you, thank you again for your time and thoughts. 🤍
of course! thank you for being bold and sharing your experience through poem.
that’s exactly it! being neglected as a child certainly stings, but it’s a different feeling as an adult. I always thought maybe my mother simply did not like children, but then I grew to realize she just did not care for me. that realization led me to desire more out of female mentors than was reasonable and led to disappointment every time. it’s not realistic for me to search for a mother in every woman and I know that, but I find that my heart strives for what my mind knows to be futile.
I concluded that I must be my own mother, care for myself kindly and treat myself with gentleness. if I have children one day, I think it would be healing to be everything for them that my mother failed to be for me. <3
I digress, but really, thank you for your words. they made me feel seen in an area of my life that I never really have. though it’s unfortunate that we can relate through our respective experiences, i’m thankful to know that I have a kindred spirit.
“my heart strives for what my mind knows to be futile. I concluded that I must be my own mother, care for myself kindly and treat myself with gentleness” ahhhh yes striving for what we know is futile 😭😭❤️ and as for being your own mother I’ve been learning this in the past years myself!
This may sound silly if you’ve never had a pet but even the love and care I give to my cats has been incredibly healing, it’s been very healing to take the pain and put it forward into something beautiful and light. I’m so glad to have written something that made you feel seen - this is a high compliment. All the best to you mj 💗
no that’s not silly at all! I have two cats and I love them very much. THIS may sounds silly, but I feel as if my girl cat can sense when I’m feeling down because she’s always there to comfort me. <33 cats are the sweetest.
thank you! I look forward to whatever you write next! and to you! <3
Nooo I totally get it!! I have two boy cats but one will ‘happen to be around’ whenever I’m sad too - they are wonderful beautiful animals 😭😭 I love cats so much 💕
I think the most piercing thing you wrote is how you can be standing in full daylight, sun everywhere, and still feel the moon already there, already dark somewhere inside the same body. That’s not metaphor anymore; that’s just how it is sometimes. The orphan feeling doesn’t leave when you grow up. It just learns to share the sky.
You’re allowed to keep looking for mother-shape and father-shape in strangers’ faces and still be a whole adult at the same time. Both are true. Both are tiring. Both are yours.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read my poem, and to offer your interpretations and thoughts, Jeffrey ☺️☺️ I love that you honed in on the complexity of being grown up now - how things are not simply one way or another, there are multiple facets to everything now. Thank you for subscribing to me, would also love to connect! 🌱
Girl you hit the nail on the head again!
“I am still a daughter
I am still not sure how to find home
I am still a daughter - but whose?
I am also just some person now
Not a girl, not a child,
not anyone’s anything”
I’m no longer a child, so I’m not young enough to be looked after in the same way. But in my late twenties, I’m still figuring out who I am and where “home” is. That in-between space of being someone, but not quite belonging to a role anymore
Thank you so much! Yes, it’s such a weird space and dynamic - and especially because you’re more on equal footing with your parents now that you are all adults.
Exactly it feels so strange! Like what do you mean I have to pay my own health insurance, rent, utilities, and cook, clean, and do laundry… you know that video when the little girl says “I’m just a baby”… thats how I feel, like girl SAME
😂😂
“I seek a mother in every mother,
a father in every father
I am still a daughter
I am still not sure how to find home
I am still a daughter - but whose?”
reading those words made my heart ache. my mother was never there for me emotionally and abandoned me as soon as I was an adult. I so often find myself searching for the maternal in any elder woman that I feel drawn to. though I am grown and able to take care of myself, I still crave a genuine maternal relationship.
Thank you for taking the time to read my poem, mj, and to share with me.
This is exactly it… the grief of being essentially abandoned as a child and then the jarring experience of it in adulthood… at least to me it feels like it happened two fold? Reaching adulthood was just another way to realise again that I’m alone, because suddenly I was wanting that maternal connection in other women… you understood where I was coming from precisely and I am sad that you do. I am however also really glad for this community and the chance to find connections and points of resonance with people like you, thank you again for your time and thoughts. 🤍
of course! thank you for being bold and sharing your experience through poem.
that’s exactly it! being neglected as a child certainly stings, but it’s a different feeling as an adult. I always thought maybe my mother simply did not like children, but then I grew to realize she just did not care for me. that realization led me to desire more out of female mentors than was reasonable and led to disappointment every time. it’s not realistic for me to search for a mother in every woman and I know that, but I find that my heart strives for what my mind knows to be futile.
I concluded that I must be my own mother, care for myself kindly and treat myself with gentleness. if I have children one day, I think it would be healing to be everything for them that my mother failed to be for me. <3
I digress, but really, thank you for your words. they made me feel seen in an area of my life that I never really have. though it’s unfortunate that we can relate through our respective experiences, i’m thankful to know that I have a kindred spirit.
“my heart strives for what my mind knows to be futile. I concluded that I must be my own mother, care for myself kindly and treat myself with gentleness” ahhhh yes striving for what we know is futile 😭😭❤️ and as for being your own mother I’ve been learning this in the past years myself!
This may sound silly if you’ve never had a pet but even the love and care I give to my cats has been incredibly healing, it’s been very healing to take the pain and put it forward into something beautiful and light. I’m so glad to have written something that made you feel seen - this is a high compliment. All the best to you mj 💗
no that’s not silly at all! I have two cats and I love them very much. THIS may sounds silly, but I feel as if my girl cat can sense when I’m feeling down because she’s always there to comfort me. <33 cats are the sweetest.
thank you! I look forward to whatever you write next! and to you! <3
Nooo I totally get it!! I have two boy cats but one will ‘happen to be around’ whenever I’m sad too - they are wonderful beautiful animals 😭😭 I love cats so much 💕
Ahh thank you!
Seeing the moon in the middle of the day as a metaphor for carried night is beautifully done
Thank you very much for reading my poem and taking the time to comment ☺️☺️💕
This is so beautiful brook,
"I am still not sure how to find home
I am still a daughter - but whose?"
Sending you tons of virtual hugs ♥
This was such a beautifully haunting peace
Silly little moon✨
Thank you for reading and commenting - you’re so lovely! ☺️🌱
Awwn!.
To my best interpretation
I think the most piercing thing you wrote is how you can be standing in full daylight, sun everywhere, and still feel the moon already there, already dark somewhere inside the same body. That’s not metaphor anymore; that’s just how it is sometimes. The orphan feeling doesn’t leave when you grow up. It just learns to share the sky.
You’re allowed to keep looking for mother-shape and father-shape in strangers’ faces and still be a whole adult at the same time. Both are true. Both are tiring. Both are yours.
Thanks for writing exactly this.
Would love to connect btw.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read my poem, and to offer your interpretations and thoughts, Jeffrey ☺️☺️ I love that you honed in on the complexity of being grown up now - how things are not simply one way or another, there are multiple facets to everything now. Thank you for subscribing to me, would also love to connect! 🌱
Yes I loved itt😍
This was so, so very beautiful 🤍
Thank you so much for reading my poem ☺️ I’m so glad you enjoyed it!